In ordinary life, the behavior of most people is one of two extremes: passivity or aggression. In the first case, a person who voluntarily assumes the role of a victim is guided by self-doubt, fear in the face of change, or, conversely, fear of losing what has already been acquired. In the second - an obvious or veiled desire to manipulate others, subjecting them to their interests. The aggressor is guided by the principle “You owe me because i'm stronger”, victim - "You owe me, because I am weak, and the weak need to be supported". Unlike these two common types of communication, assertive behavior (assertiveness) is based on a radically different principle: “I owe you nothing, and you owe me nothing, we are partners”.
Principles of assertive behavior
- Taking responsibility for your own behavior. Inherently assertiveness is a philosophy of personal responsibility. That is, we are talking about the fact that we are responsible for our own behavior and have no right to blame other people for their reaction to our behavior.
- Demonstration of self-esteem and respect for other people. The main component of assertiveness is the presence of self-respect and respect for other people. If you do not respect yourself, then no one will respect you.
- Effective communication. In this case, the main three are the following qualities - honesty, openness and directness in the conversation, but not at the expense of the emotional state of another person. It is about the ability to say what you think or feel about any issue, without upsetting your communication partner.
- Demonstration of confidence and positive attitude. Assertive behavior implies the development of confidence and a positive attitude. Self-confidence is related to two parameters: self-esteem and the knowledge that we are professionals, well-versed in their craft.
- The ability to listen carefully and understand. Assertiveness requires the ability to listen carefully and the desire to understand the point of view of another person. We all consider ourselves good listeners, but the question arises, how often do we, when listening to another person, move from facts to assumptions, and how often do we interrupt others in order to quickly express our point of view?
- Negotiation and achievement of a working compromise. The pursuit of working compromise is a very rewarding quality. Sometimes there is a need to find a way out of the current situation that would suit all parties involved in it.
You also have the right to:
- Express feelings;
- express opinions and beliefs;
- say “yes” or “no”;
- change opinion;
- say "I do not understand";
- be yourself and not adapt to others;
- do not take responsibility;
- ask for something;
- set your own priorities;
- expect to be listened to and taken seriously by you;
- make mistakes;
- be illogical when making decisions;
- say "I do not care"
You can learn more about assertive behavior in Wikipedia
We also invite everyone to the training on Assistant behavior.
For this you need register and get an invitation to training.